Systematic Deceit – The energy lost on little untruths!
I first heard the phrase “CYA” or “Cover Your Ass” in my corporate marketing job at the company that strongly propelled me out of corporate. The CYA mentality is alive and well, and it’s the opposite of the Truth about which I like to speak. I’ve seen this magnified this week.
I’m a sponsor at an upcoming event and I’m super excited about my booth strategy. I’ve got a beautiful raffle prize and some cool giveaways that speak to the heart of my message. I am psyched.
I’m also a little pissed off.
The logistical challenge of a large conference is astounding. Being one booth in a sea of many means a variety of specific deadlines on submitting topics, strategies, and materials.
And for the last several weeks it’s meant selecting suppliers, ordering items, and coordinating shipments.
Now, most of you likely aren’t doing a lot of production and shipping in your businesses, but the physical world is a great demonstration of how Truth or Untruth gets magnified in the world to create bigger gaps than we might imagine.
Let me tell you what I’m talking about.
We ordered several booth items to be delivered to the company coordinating the event. There are two very specific delivery windows, and each requires a different address, and has different fees associated with the receipt of shipments. The later shipments must go to the site directly, and incur an additional handling fee.
In our ordering process, it was important for us to get clear about the turnaround time of our orders so we could provide the proper address and be sure to hit the delivery window.
One shipment was for a custom printed item, and they asked for a 7-business-day turnaround after final art, plus 5 days for shipping. That’s 13 days plus the weekends, which brought us to a rush-order with our designer in order to meet the deadline.
Two days after submitting our artwork, we received notice that the items had printed and shipped significantly ahead of schedule.
Our second order did not require printing, but was still billed as custom as they were unable to guarantee that the item would be in stock, and it would take 4 weeks to deliver. I was scheduled to be on a plane to the event in 4 weeks and a day, which was past the delivery deadline, so I chose to have the item shipped to me directly with a plan to carry it on the plane as checked luggage.
The item arrived on my doorstep in ten days. Turns out it would have had plenty of time to be shipped directly to the coordinator as an early shipment. In fact I had time to ship it there myself.
Now, we might think this is great! Everything is early!
But there’s a cost to padding timelines and not being Truthful. Both of these instances cost me – a rush order with my designer, and $220 to REsend the shipment.
What if they had just said this?
“Well, we have no real system to monitor our production schedule, we don’t trust our people do what they say, and we can’t tell when it will all come together for you, so your guess is as good as mine about when it will actually arrive, but worst case will be four weeks.”
Now, this sounds crazy, right? But here’s the thing, at least this truthful. Now I know what I’m dealing with and I can make decisions accordingly. I can find a different supplier that seems more organized, or I go with it and at least I won’t be surprised when it shows up early, costs me an hour of my day to reship, and incurs additional fees on my end.
It’s not just one supplier, this stuff is everywhere… systematic deceit… adding in extra days so we don’t disappoint, setting shipping deadlines early to account for the stragglers who fall behind, you name it.
Where there is lack of Truth there is uncertainty. Any time we aren’t 100% accurate about WHAT IS, we are introducing uncertainty, and these little uncertainties add up to big gaps in timing in the physical world.
How does this affect your energy in your business?
Think about your words and thoughts as your version of a printing and shipping timeline. Every time you exaggerate a statement, or hold back and sandbag so you don’t put your butt on the line and risk disappointing people, it’s like you’ve created a gap in your delivery. Being afraid to state the result you will deliver is affecting you and your clients’ decision-making ability.
It may not show up as a package arriving 2 weeks early, but it will, however, show up in that subtle feeling that something is off, that you’re not OK, that you’re out of integrity.
The Truth About WHAT’S SO
When you are 100% truthful with yourself no matter what, you can communicate in a way that best represents you, and will ultimately serve your customer. You’ll resist the urge to try to assume you know what’s best for your customer, and you can instead have a real conversation about WHAT’S SO.
These companies assumed I’d rather have things arrive early, and that erring on the side of underestimating and over-delivering would make me happy. But it made me make entirely different decisions than I would have had they been honest.
This applies with the idea of “sell them what they want, give them what they need” that is so popular in marketing. If I feel as if I know what you really need (and often I do with respect to my line of work), but I don’t check in to see that you’re willing to go there too, I’ve set us both up for disappointment.
Where are the little lies you, or those around you, tell to ‘pad’ against the Truth causing disappointment in the end? This is more of a discussion than an answer. I’d love for you to you share your Truth!
Yes, Grow. Yes, Grow.
I recently created a speaking opportunity for some of my clients. There is no cost involved, but there are certain requirements they would need to meet to claim a spot.
And my clients are some truly amazing human beings. And several of them began to worry about whether they could say yes and step into the opportunity. I heard a variety of reasons why people weren’t sure or why they didn’t think it was the right timing for them and they would wait until next time.
Now this is just the ego-based fear of the subconscious mind talking. They were totally ready and it was a perfect opportunity for them, that’s why I created it. But the voices of doubt can get pretty loud when we’re about to step forward.
What We are Really Committed To
I’ve learned over the years that someone can be talking to me about how they just need to figure out how to get in front of the right people so they can bring in clients one minute, and then turn down an opportunity to get in front of the right people the next. Generally its fear of doing the thing itself, say speaking, that gets in the way. Often it is also uncertainty about whether doing the thing itself will pay off in a way that makes it worth the fear.
What if I go speak, and I don’t get clients anyway, and then it was all for nothing?
Yet, you can’t ever know how you do at converting audience members into clients without first doing it. But I promise you this, you won’t convert any if you don’t believe you will convert them.
The energy and intention you bring is more powerful than any executional step you can take. Whether you take action with intention or back away from opportunity represents your true underlying commitment.
The Yes, Grow Tractor Beam
My business has grown tremendously each year, and it has done so by me making a series of big decisions that have forced me to grow. Generally they involve me investing money at a level that is consistent with a new level of revenue that I haven’t created yet – marketing opportunities, team members, event space, etc. Sometimes it has involved me declaring an offering in my business that I’ve never done before.
If I had waited to know for certain that an opportunity would work, pay out, or be approved of by others, I would have never done it, and I would not have grown. Instead I threw my hat over the wall, making decisions that were essentially irreversible, and then I BECAME the person able to deliver on my new commitment. It doesn’t work the other way around. If we wait to become the person before we create the new commitment, we will never get there.
One client called it the tractor beam, “I need something to come in like a tractor beam and pull me up from where I am.” That’s so accurate. Stepping into a commitment that requires you to show up in a new way can be that tractor beam.
Be Willing to Fail
You won’t say yes to something you know how to do unless you are willing to fail. For me, my divorce was my first big failure in my mind, and it was the biggest gift for starting my business because I learned that I could fail and still live. It opened up a whole new world of possibility for me.
The more you know yourself, the less you will fail, but the willingness to fail must be there at every level in order to truly grow. Moments of surrender build a business worth having.
Say Yes to the Dress
I was watching TLC’s “Say Yes to the Dress” in true procrastination style this weekend while working on writing my book. This is my mother’s favorite show it seems, so I was familiar when I landed on it. I enjoy it, because who doesn’t love watching people try on different things and judging how they look? For me I enjoy seeing whether I can predict which dress is in “alignment” for the bride. You can feel when someone is in alignment, and I find that to be true for the dress trying process as well.
Sometimes brides surprise themselves by liking something they did not expect to even try on. They would have never found the dress if their consultant hadn’t pushed them out of their comfort zone. From within their preconceived notions about who they were and what they could handle, the “yes” dress seemed like too much of a stretch. As a business owner, you need someone outside of yourself who can nudge you to consider what you really want, rather than what the old limits of who you were say is possible. You’ll only know if it’s a yes when you try it on.
The Environment Influence
The other thing I enjoy watching about this show is observing how the shopping buddies can influence the process. It’s a perfect reflection of how our own environment is influencing our decisions at any moment.
A bride who was certain she loved lace was deterred from the lace gown she loved by her shopping companion who hated it. The level of stress produced in the dynamic of the bride not only considering what she likes, but also considering the opinions of her array of friends is astonishing.
We do this as well. Say you are considering an opportunity that involves getting on a plane to grow your business. Without even being aware of it, little thoughts like how it will affect the family, or what will friends think when you tell them you’ve invested in something that they don’t get or understand, flow through your mind and influence what you will consider.
Let Yourself Off the Hook
Women put a huge amount of pressure on themselves about their wedding, and the dress can feel like the biggest decision.
Business owners also put a lot of pressure on themselves, and every decision feels crucial.
It is and it isn’t. But when the decisions feel in alignment, even when they are scary or out of your comfort zone, it’s important to honor that regardless of what anyone else may think, and say YES then grow into the person who can pull it off. This is the art of becoming an Aligned Entrepreneur, and it sure is a fun ride!
Is Your Business Sexy?
Napoleon Hill in Think and Grow Rich talks about “sex energy” as the creative energy of all geniuses.
I talk a lot about your Genius… knowing what it is and how to be in the energy state to access it regularly so you can offer it to the ideal clients. Accessing your creative knowing about who you are and what you’re about involves having a clear mental state and trusting your own creativity.
One way to do this is through the emotion of sex. (Hill talks about the 7 Major Positive Emotions as desire, faith, love, sex, enthusiasm, romance, and hope.)
Quoting further from Think and Grow Rich, Hill has devoted a whole chapter to Sex Transmutation, which is harnessing the energy of sex from physical to creative forms. “Sex is the most powerful of human desires.” “The desire for sexual expression is inborn and natural. The desire cannot and should not be submerged or eliminated. But it should be given an outlet through forms of expression that enrich the body, mind, and spirit…. It may be submerged and controlled for a time, but its very nature causes it to be ever seeking means of expression.”
Now, I’m by no means an expert on sex or sexuality. But I do know creativity. And I’ve actually begun asking my clients very directly about their sex lives if creative energy seems to be missing in their business. Why? You can’t be fully in your creativity if you’ve chosen to shut down your sexual desires.
Do you have to have a partner to be sexual? No. But being sexual helps you get present to your own creative energy. Shutting down that second chakra limits your ability to access the divine intelligence that is trying to come through. Sex is a creative tool, and it can show up in how you carry yourself, the thoughts you think, etc.
So stop right now and ask yourself, what are the top three things that are sexy about you? If it’s hard to get present to them, you may want to make this a focus area for your business. Remember, who you’re being anywhere is who you’re being everywhere.
A business that has sex appeal sells. Sexy is attractive. You want your business to be attractive.
“A teacher who has trained and directed the efforts of more than 30,000 sales people made the astounding discovery that highly sexed people are the most efficient sales reps. The explanation is that the factor of personality known as ‘personal magnetism’ is nothing more nor less than sexy energy.”
- Conviction is sexy.
- Being present is sexy.
- Being mysterious is sexy.
- Self-expression is sexy.
- Vulnerability is sexy.
- Intrigue is sexy.
- Risk is sexy.
- Self-love is sexy.
- A business and brand that represent who you are at your core is very sexy.
- Who you were meant to be is sexy.
Today’s article is less of an answer and more of a question. What would be different in your business and your personal life if you stopped making sexual expression and afterthought, but rather a mandatory element to the business and life of your dreams?
The Prospect Ego Trip Part 2
How to stand firm when they waffle.
Last week we looked at what actually happens between the time your prospect gives you a “Yes, but…” (I have to think about it, I have to talk to my spouse, etc.) and when they turn around and decide “no.”
I gave you some tips to determine exactly where they are in their decision process so you can head the “ego trip” off at the pass. Today I want to give you some tools for staying firm in your knowing of what they need when they waffle, which, especially when you are in a growth period in your sales skills, you can be sure they will.
1. Their reason is your biggest clue
Remember from last week, if working with you is going to make significant change in some area of your prospect’s life or business, which, if you are charging enough, it will, their ego or subconscious mind will take over. Their ego has been strong enough to keep them from making change so far, and the bigger the impending change, the stronger their ego’s mechanism will be.
Whatever reason they give you for hesitating or saying no is going to show you exactly where they typically stop on their path to change. Use the questions I gave you last week to gain clarity on how they are thinking about the decision. Then apply the knowledge that how they are thinking about their decision to work with you is the same level of thinking that has gotten them where they are. If they have to think about it, over thinking is killing them in other areas too. If they need to see if they have the money, not knowing their money situation is a problem they will need to face in working with you. This is an absolute certainty.
2. They know the Truth
Eckert Tolle said, “I cannot tell you any spiritual truth that deep within you don’t know already. All I do is remind you of what you have forgotten.”
This is true for your prospects as well. Often entrepreneurs get hung up on thinking they need to know the answer for their prospects and clients. You don’t. You just need to know the principles behind how people make decisions, and you need to ask the right questions.
When you know with certainty that they are a fit (you need to have a clear picture of your ideal client) and that you can help them, you also know with certainty that any excuse they give is just their ego talking. EVEN WHEN PEOPLE REALLY WANT TO MAKE A “YES” DECISION, THEY WILL GIVE YOU SOME PROGRAMMED EXCUSE. It is how we operate.
So you must become comfortable calling them on their excuses, knowing that when you speak Truth, they will recognize it.
You would say, “Tell me, is having to think about it a common experience for you? In what way might that be affecting you outside of this particular decision? In other areas of your life?”
Or, “Hmm, here is something I have learned. Whatever comes up to get in the way of making your decision is generally the same thing that gets in the way in other areas. How does not being empowered to make financial decisions in the moment get in the way?”
You get the idea. You’ll need practice at asking good questions, but the bottom line is you need to comfortable asking the types of questions people don’t normally ask, trusting that they will recognize the Truth when they hear it.
3. They may or may not be ready
When you start asking Truth-based questions, some people will love you for changing their life. Likely no one has ever called them on their reasons, because, quite frankly, it’s not polite. Yet it is exactly what they need, and they will never forget the person who had the courage to make them think accurately. (Accurate thinking is one of the most important things we can do to become rich, by the way.)
Some people, however, will not be ready. They may get mad. They may be offended. They may hang up. They may even talk bad about you. You have to remember that this is just their ego-based fear reacting on autopilot because it’s not yet ready to get out of the way. It has nothing to do with you, and it is not personal. This is a great way to know that they are not the right client for you. Thank the Universe for that knowledge and move on. But do not buy into their story!
4. You’ve connected for a reason
We as human beings are made up of cells that vibrate at a certain rate. The rate at which they vibrate can be thought of as the level at which we are resonating. This rate is based on the nature of our thoughts.
When we connect with a prospect, it is because we have attracted one another at a cellular level. Some part of us is in resonance. Knowing this can help you stay grounded when your prospect is not.
You can be certain that you’ve come together for a reason – it is for their growth or your growth, and sometimes for mutual growth.
At times you won’t get to know the reason. You may never know the impact your sales conversation has had on the person who’s said “no.” That person who reacts negatively to your stand for them may become ever so slightly more open and eventually get the breakthrough, and you may never hear about it. I’ve had multiple people come back and tell me the exact words I said that eventually got through to them. I’m certain many more never let me know. This is true for you too.
You cannot be attached to them saying “yes” in order for you to make a difference. In fact a mutually chosen “no” can often be the most world-altering conversation possible.
5. The clue is also for you
I said that their reason is your biggest clue as to what is really going on with them. It is also a clue as to what is going on with you. If we believe that we are connecting with people for a reason, they are also there to reflect back to you your leading edge of growth. Especially if you see yourself getting the same type of objection or reason more than once, and you stop yourself from calling them on it, it means you have bought into their reason.
This is like a mirror reflecting back to you the limits of your own belief system. You believe their excuse. You agree that decisions should always be thought through, or you have your own money mess that you haven’t dealt with, so you stop.
It’s cool because this means sales conversations are your own best personal growth tool! AND, it doesn’t mean you have to have everything in your life perfect to make the sale. It means you make a mental note of your next area of growth, then you stand for your prospect to break through their fear, and in doing so you grow your own limits at the exact same time!
The nuances of how the mirror reflects your own limits are infinite. This is why I recommend you have a personal coach. But if you know the objection is the Universe’s way of giving you loving clues for your own growth, you’ve got a great start in being able to hold firm when they waffle.
Need help discerning the edge of your growth in your sales? Email Support@AlignandProfit.com about a Profit Breakthrough Strategy Day with me!
The Prospect Ego Trip Part I
When “I’ll think about it” goes south!
Every entrepreneur I’ve known has had this experience. You have a conversation with a prospect who is considering working with you. They are totally “in.” You can see so clearly how you can help them, and it is also clear that they are present to what is possible for them through your partnership. You’re so excited, you just love it when the Universe delivers you the exact right fit.
Because you’ve studied Universal Law, and because you’re really committed to helping people through the work you do, you know that you can’t get attached to the sale, so you’re busy reminding yourself not to get too excited.
While you’re working on your own mental game, the prospect suddenly slips in those six dreaded words, “I need to think about it,” and before you know it you’re agreeing to call them back in two days.
Or perhaps it was, “I need to talk with my spouse,” or, “I’ve got to see if I have the money.” Any number of reasons can be given in that moment that are just the right thing to have you agree to let them wait. HINT: It is usually the exact reason that you use yourself when you’re afraid to commit to something, and that’s why it hooks you.
So, you’ve got the follow-up scheduled in two days. After one night’s sleep you receive the email from the prospect. You know the one, with any number or reasons attached, that says, “I’m going to have to say no at this time.”
And of course you’re crushed. They would have been such a perfect client.
One of two things happened here.
- They had no intention of working with you.
- They really did want to work with you, but their ego took over their life.
Let’s address each of these.
1. No intention of working with you.
If someone asks you for time to consider their decision for any reason, you want to be sure to ask follow-up questions to get clear about whether they are actually serious. Crazy as it may seem, most people would rather make up a little white lie than tell you directly that they don’t want to work with you. We are programmed to be polite, and we think saying “no” will seem rude. You can tend feel pushy doing this, but remember clarity is service.
Help them get clear
Here are some follow-up questions to help you get clear about whether they really do want to work with you.
- “I have to think about it.”
- What, specifically, will you think about?
- If you have to think about it, that generally means there is some piece of information you feel like you don’t have. What questions do you still have?
- Do you usually have to think about decisions, or do you usually have a gut feel? What does your gut say.
- If you didn’t have to think about it, what would be the next thing you tell yourself about this decision? (Often people have 2-3 excuses lined up for themselves, might as well address them now).
- As you’re thinking about it, what will be the different factors you’ll consider? What is most important to you?
- “I need to talk to my spouse.”
- What kind of agreements do you have with your spouse about money?
- If your spouse were on the line, what do you think he/she would say?
- Tell me about how you want that conversation with your spouse to go.
- If your spouse were on board, would you be ready to sign up?
- How will you handle it if your spouse doesn’t think it is a good idea?
- “I need to figure out where to get the money.”
- If you had the money, do you know you’d want to invest it here?
- What, specifically, will you do to figure out where to get the money?
You can see that the basic purpose of these questions is to help them to think through their reason to find out if it is a real reason, and if so, to make a plan for specifically what to go do between your calls. Often you will find that people either realize their reason isn’t as real as they thought. “You know what, my husband will want me to do this.” Or, they will at least tell you directly that they really don’t want to do it so you can move on.
2. Their Ego Took Over
If you hung-up the phone clear that they were committed to working with you, and then they change their mind, all that happened is that their ego took over. When I say ego, I don’t mean that they are egotistical, I mean their subconscious mind’s programming, or their ego-based fears, took over in an attempt to keep them safe. The ego is a powerful thing, and it will create or attract the exact right circumstance to keep them stuck. If working with you will change something significant in their life, health, business, career, or relationships, (which I hope it will!), then it will feel scary to them and their subconscious mind to make the commitment.
Be certain about what is really happening.
You have to know with 100% certainty that this is what happened in order to shift yourself from being victim to their “no” to being empowered to support them in getting back to their Truth. When you start to support people, lovingly, through their initial doubt, you become the type of person who has uncommonly helpful conversations, and you become the type of person people want to pay.
No one skips it.
NO ONE skips this part in business. EVERY business owner goes through the “I’ll think about it” stage where every client is giving some form of this objection. Some business owners never leave this stage. When you become comfortable pushing people gently past their fear, because you KNOW their ego going to generate fear in those two days and, and you welcome it as an opportunity to help them truly transform, you will become a master at helping clients transform through sales.
So how do you do it?
I’ll cover that next week in The Prospect Ego Trip Part 2: How to stand firm when they waffle.
For today, I have a free resource for you to understand how their subconscious is working during these two days. I developed this free training on the “Cycle of Proving” last fall that helped a lot of people to see how their own ego was stopping them. I invite you to take the two part training again, this time thinking about how the cycle is affecting your prospects during the time between when they say “yes, let me think about it,” and the dreaded “not right now” email. You can find it at www.cycleofproving.com.