Yes, Grow. Yes, Grow.
I recently created a speaking opportunity for some of my clients. There is no cost involved, but there are certain requirements they would need to meet to claim a spot.
And my clients are some truly amazing human beings. And several of them began to worry about whether they could say yes and step into the opportunity. I heard a variety of reasons why people weren’t sure or why they didn’t think it was the right timing for them and they would wait until next time.
Now this is just the ego-based fear of the subconscious mind talking. They were totally ready and it was a perfect opportunity for them, that’s why I created it. But the voices of doubt can get pretty loud when we’re about to step forward.
What We are Really Committed To
I’ve learned over the years that someone can be talking to me about how they just need to figure out how to get in front of the right people so they can bring in clients one minute, and then turn down an opportunity to get in front of the right people the next. Generally its fear of doing the thing itself, say speaking, that gets in the way. Often it is also uncertainty about whether doing the thing itself will pay off in a way that makes it worth the fear.
What if I go speak, and I don’t get clients anyway, and then it was all for nothing?
Yet, you can’t ever know how you do at converting audience members into clients without first doing it. But I promise you this, you won’t convert any if you don’t believe you will convert them.
The energy and intention you bring is more powerful than any executional step you can take. Whether you take action with intention or back away from opportunity represents your true underlying commitment.
The Yes, Grow Tractor Beam
My business has grown tremendously each year, and it has done so by me making a series of big decisions that have forced me to grow. Generally they involve me investing money at a level that is consistent with a new level of revenue that I haven’t created yet – marketing opportunities, team members, event space, etc. Sometimes it has involved me declaring an offering in my business that I’ve never done before.
If I had waited to know for certain that an opportunity would work, pay out, or be approved of by others, I would have never done it, and I would not have grown. Instead I threw my hat over the wall, making decisions that were essentially irreversible, and then I BECAME the person able to deliver on my new commitment. It doesn’t work the other way around. If we wait to become the person before we create the new commitment, we will never get there.
One client called it the tractor beam, “I need something to come in like a tractor beam and pull me up from where I am.” That’s so accurate. Stepping into a commitment that requires you to show up in a new way can be that tractor beam.
Be Willing to Fail
You won’t say yes to something you know how to do unless you are willing to fail. For me, my divorce was my first big failure in my mind, and it was the biggest gift for starting my business because I learned that I could fail and still live. It opened up a whole new world of possibility for me.
The more you know yourself, the less you will fail, but the willingness to fail must be there at every level in order to truly grow. Moments of surrender build a business worth having.
Say Yes to the Dress
I was watching TLC’s “Say Yes to the Dress” in true procrastination style this weekend while working on writing my book. This is my mother’s favorite show it seems, so I was familiar when I landed on it. I enjoy it, because who doesn’t love watching people try on different things and judging how they look? For me I enjoy seeing whether I can predict which dress is in “alignment” for the bride. You can feel when someone is in alignment, and I find that to be true for the dress trying process as well.
Sometimes brides surprise themselves by liking something they did not expect to even try on. They would have never found the dress if their consultant hadn’t pushed them out of their comfort zone. From within their preconceived notions about who they were and what they could handle, the “yes” dress seemed like too much of a stretch. As a business owner, you need someone outside of yourself who can nudge you to consider what you really want, rather than what the old limits of who you were say is possible. You’ll only know if it’s a yes when you try it on.
The Environment Influence
The other thing I enjoy watching about this show is observing how the shopping buddies can influence the process. It’s a perfect reflection of how our own environment is influencing our decisions at any moment.
A bride who was certain she loved lace was deterred from the lace gown she loved by her shopping companion who hated it. The level of stress produced in the dynamic of the bride not only considering what she likes, but also considering the opinions of her array of friends is astonishing.
We do this as well. Say you are considering an opportunity that involves getting on a plane to grow your business. Without even being aware of it, little thoughts like how it will affect the family, or what will friends think when you tell them you’ve invested in something that they don’t get or understand, flow through your mind and influence what you will consider.
Let Yourself Off the Hook
Women put a huge amount of pressure on themselves about their wedding, and the dress can feel like the biggest decision.
Business owners also put a lot of pressure on themselves, and every decision feels crucial.
It is and it isn’t. But when the decisions feel in alignment, even when they are scary or out of your comfort zone, it’s important to honor that regardless of what anyone else may think, and say YES then grow into the person who can pull it off. This is the art of becoming an Aligned Entrepreneur, and it sure is a fun ride!
Is Your Business Sexy?
Napoleon Hill in Think and Grow Rich talks about “sex energy” as the creative energy of all geniuses.
I talk a lot about your Genius… knowing what it is and how to be in the energy state to access it regularly so you can offer it to the ideal clients. Accessing your creative knowing about who you are and what you’re about involves having a clear mental state and trusting your own creativity.
One way to do this is through the emotion of sex. (Hill talks about the 7 Major Positive Emotions as desire, faith, love, sex, enthusiasm, romance, and hope.)
Quoting further from Think and Grow Rich, Hill has devoted a whole chapter to Sex Transmutation, which is harnessing the energy of sex from physical to creative forms. “Sex is the most powerful of human desires.” “The desire for sexual expression is inborn and natural. The desire cannot and should not be submerged or eliminated. But it should be given an outlet through forms of expression that enrich the body, mind, and spirit…. It may be submerged and controlled for a time, but its very nature causes it to be ever seeking means of expression.”
Now, I’m by no means an expert on sex or sexuality. But I do know creativity. And I’ve actually begun asking my clients very directly about their sex lives if creative energy seems to be missing in their business. Why? You can’t be fully in your creativity if you’ve chosen to shut down your sexual desires.
Do you have to have a partner to be sexual? No. But being sexual helps you get present to your own creative energy. Shutting down that second chakra limits your ability to access the divine intelligence that is trying to come through. Sex is a creative tool, and it can show up in how you carry yourself, the thoughts you think, etc.
So stop right now and ask yourself, what are the top three things that are sexy about you? If it’s hard to get present to them, you may want to make this a focus area for your business. Remember, who you’re being anywhere is who you’re being everywhere.
A business that has sex appeal sells. Sexy is attractive. You want your business to be attractive.
“A teacher who has trained and directed the efforts of more than 30,000 sales people made the astounding discovery that highly sexed people are the most efficient sales reps. The explanation is that the factor of personality known as ‘personal magnetism’ is nothing more nor less than sexy energy.”
- Conviction is sexy.
- Being present is sexy.
- Being mysterious is sexy.
- Self-expression is sexy.
- Vulnerability is sexy.
- Intrigue is sexy.
- Risk is sexy.
- Self-love is sexy.
- A business and brand that represent who you are at your core is very sexy.
- Who you were meant to be is sexy.
Today’s article is less of an answer and more of a question. What would be different in your business and your personal life if you stopped making sexual expression and afterthought, but rather a mandatory element to the business and life of your dreams?
How to Make a Solid Decision That Lays the Foundation for Miracles
Do you believe that unseen forces are ready and waiting to come to your aid? I do.
But they don’t show up when you make decisions based on fear.
Let’s think of an example. Someone refers a client your way. You meet them and while you know you can help them and you want to help them, they are not a good fit for you. They are not ready to move forward at the speed you’d like, they aren’t clear about what they want, or they aren’t ready to invest at the rate you want.
If you take the client anyway, that’s a fear-based decision. Would you agree?
You’re either afraid that you won’t have enough clients, or afraid you’ll offend them or the person referring them, so you suck it up and take the client.
What happens when you choose from fear like this?
First, it negatively impacts your energy – when the foundation of a decision is based in fear, crazy things will happen in alignment with fear as you execute that decision. You’ll be spending time trying to get that client to be some way other than they are, proving yourself, or justifying their investment.
Second, it takes up valuable space in your world that could have been saved for the right person. The Universe will always deliver you the right people when you remain clear and focused in an energy of love. It will be your job to recognize them, and you can only do that when love is your primary decision tool.
Making Love-Based Decisions
What does it mean to decide from a place of LOVE? It means that you are choosing something because you absolutely love it, it ignites your passion, it reflects your belief in abundance, and it leaves you inspired, excited, peaceful, and free. It is never coming from fear or lack. Your fundamental beliefs when making the decision might include:
- My resources are abundant.
- There is no competition.
- An opportunity can be found in everything.
- Risk is an illusion, I am divinely supported.
- I always get what I need when I need it.
- It is my birthright to do what I love and love what I do.
- What I love is important and valuable.
You get the picture.
In the instance of the new potential client, above, the loving decision would be to educate the prospect about what they need and why you are not the best fit. This will empower them, and is very loving to you as well. If a client isn’t a good fit for you, you will not be a good fit for them, and even if you deliver great service, they will have missed an opportunity to learn and grow.
I have seen countless examples in which a loving decision to release a non-ideal client has landed multiple ideal contracts with minimal effort for my Aligned Entrepreneurs. “When riches come they often come so quickly it makes one wonder where they have been hiding all the lean years,” said Napoleon Hill. That is the impact of making decisions in love.
How to Make Solid Decisions Based In Love
Meet the Fear-Love Decision Tool
With every decision we are considering, there is always both LOVE and FEAR bundled into a YES decision, and LOVE and FEAR bundled into a NO decision. This is why decisions can be so hard for us! We are a bundle of collapsed thoughts and ideas, and without taking time to bring true awareness, or to think accurately, about our thoughts, we will remain confused and at best make an educated guess. Even the idea of making a gut decision can get completely confused, because we can’t really tell which thought our gut is reacting to!
So here’s what to do. Spell out the decision you want to make in a way that it has a “yes” or “no” answer. E.g. “Is taking on this client a good decision?”
Fill in each of the quadrants in the decision chart by really getting honest about your thoughts. I like to go clockwise from the top left.
What are your fears about saying NO?
- Not enough money or new prospects
- Might hurt someone’s feelings and they won’t like me.
What do you love about saying NO?
- I am empowering myself to choose my right clients.
- I make space for an ideal fit to come along.
What do you love about saying YES?
- The money
- I might be able to help them
What are your fears about saying YES?
- What if I can’t deliver the service?
- What if I miss a better opportunity?
Now, each quadrant has some possible thoughts, and all are valid. Your job then is to review your chart and ask yourself, which quadrant holds the most heat for you? Which one is the one that is keeping you fuzzy? Where is the insight? If you do this honestly, with practice you will always see what is really going on.
Not one loving reason to keep it.
My client recently told me, “I used the decision tool and I realized that there is not one loving reason to keep it,” referring to something she used to offer in her business that she was considering discontinuing.
When you get that kind of clarity, there is nothing more to do than to make the decision and trust that what is coming next is perfect!
Here’s to love!
The Squelching of Your Unique Dream, or BELIEVING your way to Profit
I remember those fleeting thoughts…
This is it. This is what I’m REALLY about in life. If I could just make this happen, the world would be a different place and I would be a happy girl.
Have you had them?
Those points of distinct clarity of mind do come, don’t they? But what do you do with them?
When I was a kid I instigated the best swingset performance North 2nd Street had ever seen. We charged admission and all the grandparents came. Oh, the candy money! It was a huge success in my mind, until the moment I heard my mother apologizing for me and my actions. Instantly I thought, “what if I’m wrong?”
A Sad Reality
My reality to that point had been that the attendees were clearly bored and needed something to do, and we kids were brilliant. In an instant, with one statement, my mother created a new reality in my mind, one in which I was wrong and even foolish to believe myself.
Has that happened for you? You get very excited about an idea for what’s possible in the world or in your business, and you allow someone else who simply doesn’t have that same perception to squelch your dream?
I did it for ten years until I began to recognize the importance of my environment and changed it. Our environment shapes who we are every moment, all the time, by reminding us of who we get to be, and sometimes even telling us how we should behave.
The world is, by definition, average. Unless you are consciously cultivating an environment in which you spend time with people who get what you see is possible, who believe you when you speak your Truth, you are probably reverting back to average thoughts on a regular basis.
I don’t spend time with people who doubt my Truth these days, at least not very often. Yet I still need to get on a plane regularly and shake up my environment to allow new perceptions to come in that keep me on a growth trajectory.
Growing or Dying?
We are always either growing or dying, and an average environment will lead to death in business.
I just completed my newest program, the Aligned Marketing Retreat , in which I worked with participants to get clear about the point of view of their brand, and to develop individual campaigns that are consistent with their brand, yet sparked by a flash of genius that may or may not hang around long. (Side note, this approach really stops the Marketing Churn).
Getting in an environment where you have the space to BELIEVE YOURSELF and your instincts is critical to developing campaign ideas that sell.
I shared from The Power of Intention by Wayne Dyer in my retreat:
“The process of appreciating your genius involves trusting those inner flashes of creative insight that are worthy of expression…. These ideas in your imagination are distributions of God taking place… Banishing doubt regarding those brilliant flashes of insight will allow you to express these ideas and begin the process of acting on them. Having the thoughts and squelching them because you think they aren’t good or they don’t merit any action is denying the connection you have with the power of intention. You have a connecting link to intention, but you’re allowing it be weakened by living at ordinary levels of ego consciousness.”
What do you need to shift in your environment that will allow you to see AND BELIEVE your inner flashes of creative insight?
People don’t buy products, people buy belief, and they believe people who believe themselves.
An environment of doubt and doubters won’t lead you to the solid belief in yourself and your ideas that you need to skyrocket your own growth. Ever.
Join me in Vietnam! Hear and believe your genius http://bit.ly/ZN8vxf
Caught in the middle
I’m just a little bit caught in the middle…
This is the first lyric to a song I can’t stop singing called “The Show” (I downloaded it from The Voice ).
As I danced around my kitchen this morning during coffee time (yes, I do that), it hit me why I love this song.
It’s like running a business, and like marketing. (And of course life…)
Being a little bit caught in the middle doesn’t work.
Here’s the next piece of the lyrics:
Slow it down
Make it stop
Or else my heart is going to pop
‘Cause it’s too much
Yeah, it’s a lot
To be something I’m not
Do you ever feel that way when you sit down to write your marketing?
You start to write from a place of fear of doing it right, to get the right result… maybe your bank account is begging you to nail it this time.
So you go to the “what do people want to hear?” place.
But you persevere because that’s what you do in business. And you force out some crap – 5 steps to being happy, blah, blah, blah…. Your heart is not in it.
And then you have the thought… “What I really want to say is _________.”
And usually what fills that blank is not pretty.
It’s not eloquent or market-y or elevated.
It’s real. Raw. Emotional.
Then your little monkey mind comes back and says, “You can’t say that!”
Maybe you’re afraid people won’t like it.
Or maybe some coach somewhere once ripped you apart at a microphone because your message wasn’t clear and you decided never to trust yourself and your voice and what you really want to say ever again.
You programmed your voice to ask, “What if I’m wrong?” and stopped being creative in your content marketing.
But stuffing your creativity just may make your heart pop… you spend a lot of time in your business damn it, and it’s too much, it’s a lot, to be something you’re not!
Let me help you get your voice back into your content marketing. Join me Saturday for Darla’s Virtual Content Camp.
This 2-hour training will walk you through creating your next content marketing campaign based on what YOU really have to say – the message that is trying to come through you right now.
I’ll guide you through exercises to literally write the core of your upcoming messaging on the spot. And, my goal is to leave you with the ability to follow the inspiration consistently throughout the year.
It doesn’t have to follow some fancy formula.
I crafted this email during morning-coffee-dance time after all.
What if you could bring some freedom and creativity back to your messaging? (AND have it actually bring in clients…)
CLICK HERE to read more about the results I’ve produced by allowing the right content to flow through me, and to register for this $37 class.
I’ll leave you with a few final lyrics to “The Show:”
I’m just a little girl lost in the moment
I’m so scared but I don’t show it
I can’t figure it out
It’s bringing me down I know
I’ve got to let it go
And just enjoy the show
Don’t stay scared and lost! When you tap into your Truth in your marketing you can relax and enjoy the show . See you Saturday!