What Do You Have to Prove, Really?
In last week’s article, “Is the Universe Tricking You?” we talked about the Cycle of Proving and how it shows up to have you question and doubt your decisions. The Universe is never tricking you, it’s simply revealing to you some aspect of your subconscious mind that wants you to stay safe, and small. Safe and small in a way that honors the patterns it smartly created when you were just a kid and needed them. It’s time to let them go.
As a reminder, the “V” in our PROVING acronym stands for “Validate Fear.” When you Peek your big vision, Remove the resistance, and Open your mouth to take action, something will happen to validate your own subconscious fear of actually having the vision be real. It is GUARANTEED.
Where you go from there simply has to do with how practiced you are at moving through the fear. As you make firm decisions without looking back, and put them into irreversible action, the fear will no longer grab you. When you let the fear win, your box becomes smaller.
So here are your two options.
When the old Cycle of Proving wins, it looks like this.
I – Ignore Inner Knowing. You let the thing that happens make you question and doubt your own inner knowing about your vision. For me, early on this could happen when someone simply gave me a sideways glance as I shared my vision. I was so programmed to look for external approval, I’d give up my dream at the drop of a hat.
N – Next Best Thing. Next we settle. We say, well, maybe I wanted an experiential event with 8 people who pay me well, but maybe I’ll just do a workshop for $97 and see how that goes. And that becomes the new norm we talk ourselves into.
G – Give Up. The next best thing is never going to be as fulfilling as honoring your calling, so you’ll eventually give up. Because what fun is it to live an almost life?
Please, Break the Cycle!
Here is your new option:
I – Interrupt the Pattern. When you recognize that your external circumstance is simply a reflection of your internal thought process that are ready to be healed, you can actively interrupt the pattern. This may look like ignoring what everybody else says, not asking for advice, investing in yourself when you normally wouldn’t, getting on stage even when it scares you.
N – New Experience. The pattern gets broken when you give yourself a new experience. The new experience is the only way your subconscious will learn that new patterns are actually safe. You cannot think your way into the new thing feeling safe. It will feel scary and all levels of analysis will not change that. But the new experience will blow up your assumptions in an instant. For me the biggest new experiences in my journey have been the times when I’ve made decisions without a full on analysis and pro/con list, but rather just trusted my own inner knowing and gone for it.
Will-feel-like-death. That’s when you’re fully alive.
G – Greater Vision. The result of breaking the pattern? You’ll actually see a BIGGER vision for yourself. Once you know yourself as someone who can do things differently, and become the person who is willing to honor it, you will get greater messages about what’s possible for you. You are only seeing the tip of the iceberg right now, I am certain. When you become the person who can handle seeing more, you’ll see more faster than you can imagine.
What now? Go out and break the cycle!
Want support? Join my new free program here: http://believeyourselfchallenge.com
See you Monday!
Is the Universe Tricking You?
I got an email in my inbox as I settled in to write an article. It was from a client who had made a decision to make a change in an area of her life that was distracting her from her business. She’d made a plan, and then learned something that made her plan seem harder.
She said, “I think Universe is trying to trick me into wanting to postpone.”
Now the next line was, “I’m not going to.” Phew.
So the Universe isn’t tricking you. I can get how it can seem that way at times.
It’s actually your subconscious mind that’s tricking you! Just as bad, right?
Your subconscious mind is programmed to keep you safe, and until now safe looked like, well, whatever your life looks like. But safe and business don’t mix. The business of your dreams that is calling to you most likely lies outside of your current default programming (aka comfort zone). So how does it work?
The Cycle of Proving Begins
The cycle of proving describes what happens in your business, and gives you two options for how to respond (you can learn more at www.CycleofProving.com).
P – Peek your big vision. This is what happened to all of us that got us into this business in the first place! You see something possible. Maybe it’s a new structure for your team, or new model for how you work with clients. You get a glimpse.
R – Remove resistance. Generally your world is not completely set up to do the big vision – if it were, you’d be doing it, right? So in the second step you clear the decks, either in your life or in your mindset, to make the new thing feel possible.
O – Open your mouth. Here you start to tell people. Or maybe you just practice telling yourself. This stage could also look like taking an action in alignment with your goal, like making a deposit on a business-building activity, or showing up in a new environment.
V – Validate your fear. THIS IS WHERE THE RUBBER MEETS THE ROAD. At this point, something will happen to validate your fear. There is no doubt. It will happen. Period. It could be a sideways look from an acquaintance, or a ‘no’ that disrupts your plans, but it WILL HAPPEN.
This is the subconscious mind reflecting back to you its current level of awareness. Whatever you are concerned about or afraid about, your default energy state, will show up right after you move toward your goal. Period. When you know this, you will be ready, and move forward anyway.
From here, you’ve got two options on how to proceed. Yup, two. I’ll cover that in next week’s article. (The I-N-G is waiting!)
For now, if you look, you’ll be able to see the form in which your fear shows itself to you. You’ll see your own theme (Making people happy over yourself? Not risking looking stupid? Money fear?). Watch what happens this week and isolate your pattern. It’s the key to keeping the Universe from tricking you!
The Universe loves you and wants what’s best for you more than you want it for yourself… until next week!
Are You an Opportunity Jumper?
I’m an opportunity jumper.
I am. And I think it sounds bad to say, by the way, but it’s true.
Dictionary.com defines opportunity as
- a favorable, appropriate, or advantageous combination of circumstances
- a chance or prospect
I was listening to an audio this week while painting my office, and one of my mentors was teaching about awareness.
Nothing that we want is outside of our ability to make happen. We simply lack the awareness of our ability to make it happen. All advancements on the planet have been possible since the inception of humanity because natural law has not changed, we just took time to become aware of them. And we have no idea what we may still become aware of in our lifetime.
What does this have to do with your business?
Anything you want is available to you through awareness. Things that you don’t yet know you want, for yourself and for others, will become available to you through awareness.
Opportunity finds us
New awareness for me has always come in the form of making a decision to say yes to an opportunity. It hasn’t always looked pretty. Sometimes the opportunity has looked like a big ol’ problem. Like things literally breaking all around me, or having to charge an event on 3 credit cards because I didn’t make my sales.
Those things that looked like big problems actually contained the nuggets for a new awareness that quickly had my business results skyrocket – because I chose to look for them. The problem was the catalyst for me to focus my attention, which is a necessary step to create a new awareness.
The opportunity is not always a breakdown. Sometimes it is about an opportunity show up someplace, to invest in your business or your personal growth, or to uplevel something about your personal life that causes you to grow.
The accidental opportunist
As I said, I’ve been an opportunity jumper. At first it was accidental – I happened upon and said yes to things, shaking and terrified, all the while going, “who am I to do this?”
Then I became a conscious competent, actively seeking out my next opportunity. If I am not committing to something that makes me nervous on a regular basis, I know I will feel it in my business results three months later, guaranteed.
Some examples of opportunities I’ve taken (in addition to all of the ones that stemmed from miscellaneous breakdowns :)):
- Registering for a 4-day event when I didn’t have any idea what happened at events and had never attended one.
- Taking a free strategy session at the event even though my ego mind was telling me it wasn’t for me, I wasn’t ready yet.
- Committing to a yearlong coaching program at that event at a price tag that was more than I had ever made in my business to date.
- Signing up to speak on stage at an event which then caused me to register for training to be a better speaker.
- Buying the URL for a telesummit and promoting it before I knew how to run one or whether anyone would participate.
- Signing my first hotel contract for my own event, when I had no idea how to market or fill it, but I knew I would learn.
- Signing my second hotel contract when I’d spent all the money from my first event.
- Hiring a team member before anyone would have thought I could justify the commitment. Then hiring another one.
- Making a 5-figure coaching investment be the new minimum acceptable norm for me. Growing my own knowledge in specific areas by looking for the right investment in that area.
- Choosing to get on planes consistently for a 6-month time period simply to be around people that inspire me when I wasn’t finding them near me.
- Renting a house without considering the price tag, choosing simply because I liked it.
- Choosing to do my events a little differently than I saw people in my industry doing them, and going for it.
- Releasing clients simply because I didn’t look forward to talking with them, trusting that ideal ones would take their place.
- Signing a lease on an office space and hiring a full time employee.
- Registering for an exclusive, high end travel and personal growth retreat, not because I had a breakdown and needed something fixed, but simply because I wanted to be the type of person who could make a decision to do something like that just because I wanted to.
Now, from one level of awareness this can look crazy. When I began ‘opportunity jumping’ I felt a little crazy. Really, can I do this? Who am I to do this? But it has worked out beautifully. For two reasons.
- I honored my gut.
This was tricky at first because I didn’t know how my gut communicated so I was all confused about whether it was right once I did it, but only through doing it did I create an awareness of how my inner knowing worked. Seventy percent of us know instantly whether a decision is right. Instantly.
- I made decisions and made them right.
Once I committed to a decision, I would then choose to believe whole-heartedly that it was the exact right decision for me. I watched the people around me drop like flies- only the ones that entertained conversations about why the thing they had committed to wasn’t good enough or wasn’t right. Those people went out of business. I always choose to find the opportunity, no matter what, and it has served me well.
One focus of my business this year is on creating opportunity. I’ve benefited so much from saying ‘yes’ to (and paying for) opportunities others have created for me. This is why I created my new high-level mentorship/ apprenticeship program (Being Unshakable). It is a brilliant opportunity for people to step into a new world of decision-making. And it also holds me to an exciting new level of modeling the way.
The first person I interviewed for the program said, “I don’t know if it is for me, but I felt called to fill out the application, and I figured that either way, I would find the opportunity in going through the process.”
I loved that attitude. You can’t transform if you don’t show up. If your gut calls you to something, trust the process, and know that you will come out the other side better for it. And then there will be a next thing that scares you. And another. And you’ll make some decisions from a place of your Truth, and you’ll make some out of fear, but with the right awareness you’ll find the Truth in those ones too. But you’ve got to show up.
Other people have applied to the program and then didn’t follow through on the opportunity to speak with me. Such a loss. The conversation itself is transformative. I recently checked in with a woman who I’d spoken with a year ago to see if I could be of service. She wrote me a lengthy reply about the difference our one conversation had made for her, even though our work together didn’t go beyond that. She chose to show up fully and trust the process.
We always get what we need when we need it. Transformation happens one opportunity at a time.
Its all about the platform, baby!
I had dinner with an old friend in New York City. We recalled our early corporate days at Procter & Gamble, a time when more formal clothing was the norm for her, a woman who joined me for dinner in workout clothes. Back then, even running experiments in the pilot plant she’d donned a suit jacket.
And I, well, I wore polyester pants and platform shoes. No it wasn’t the 70s but I was 22 yeas old and fun, for a chemical engineer.
This article isn’t about platform shoes, fun as it is to recall the days of actively shunning the corporate uniform. (Truth, I did have my share of suit jackets and ‘casual Friday’ polo shirts – yuck).
It’s all about your platform – the one on which you are building your business.
I attended the Hay House “Writer’s Workshop” this weekend. I was inspired and impressed by the speakers, Kris Carr and Gabrielle Bernstein. However, the main message, or point, of the workshop was all about the importance of building your platform.
This is part of what I help my clients to do, so while I was expecting to learn something new and fabulous, I did learn how many people still don’t know this. Traditional publishers will rarely publish a book written by an author without a platform – a way to reach people. You need a subscriber list, a TV show, a record of sales of another product, etc., for a publisher to have a strong sense of faith that you will actually sell books. Of course anyone can self-publish, but again, you need people to purchase your book once you go to press (or before!)
So, the good news? YOU can build a platform. No problem! You just need to decide on a mission that matters to you, hone in on your genius (what you do naturally brilliantly), and get to work spreading your message! One foot in front of the other and before you know it, you’ll have a platform.
Back to my friend and I at dinner. The impetus for our remembrance of our corporate dress code was this – a discussion about being willing to be yourself at work. She has found herself in a job that truly lets her be her because she refuses to be anyone else. This is different than the outlook she held at 22.
That’s the key to a strong platform, by the way. Build a brand that truly represents YOU. Kris Carr started with her documentary film Crazy, Sexy Cancer. It showed the raw her for better and worse, and she still shows up that way today. Gabrielle Bernstein’s latest offering is called “God is my Publicist.” They are each clear about the personality they bring their platform, and it shows in the success they enjoy.
What’s one action you can take today, in alignment with who you truly are, to build awareness of you, your uniqueness, and your message, AND capture names and emails? Now do it!
Not My People
Your unique brand of value empowers you to say no!
Picture yourself in a room filled with clients. You don’t have to try to use fancy marketing language in order to impress them, you can just be yourself and they get you.
They know they are “your people” and they are in the exact right place.
Have you had this experience?
I rarely use the word deserve, but you deserve that experience.
So how do you get there?
You say no to a whole lot of people and the right people show up.
Sounds simple right? But how do you know who the right people are and how do you get them to recognize you?
Here are a few tips:
- Be real. Refuse to hold back who you are try to look good. Ever. Never take a ‘not so bad’ gig in hopes of a better future gig.
- Know where you come from and what makes you unique. Your life history is the best clue to the essence of your brand. Most people need an outside source to help them see the thread of genius that is totally “them.” When your brand is in alignment, you’ll tell your full out honest story and it people will get that you are doing the exact work you were born to do.
- Work from insight. You need to get so clear who your people are that you can articulate something about them that most people can’t see until you say them. This will evolve over the course of your business. You’ll articulate an insight about your brand. You’ll articulate an insight about your marketing campaigns. There is something you can see about your ideal people that when you market to that, they will know you are talking to them.
- Make it fun. Once you articulate the insight, you’ll create your marketing idea. It should be fun and interesting to you and be consistent with your personality without having to put on an act. That’s how you get a room full of people who resonate with your message.
In my client retreat we did an excursion of paddle board yoga. I was nervous about this because it is such a specific type of sport. I was also nervous about taking the time to go play like this. But one of the things I know about my ideal people is that they all have some sort of hobby or passion that they have stopped making time for because of their business. It was actually an important business activity for me to make time for that.
Because I had a room of “my peeps” it worked beautifully. People either loved everything about the activity, enjoyed the personal challenge of it, or saw the opportunity in opting out to enjoy the beach. It was such a lovely experience to bring a part of me that I love to my work!
The other experience at my client retreat was an activity I created for my people to practice sharing their message. The best ah-ha in the room was someone who was beaming at the realization that she spoke to someone who was clearly “not her people.”
If you’ve never had that experience, I promise that you are not clear about your brand. Lets get you clear!
And a little bonus to share more of what I’m loving! I have been loving this song lately… I’m not a believer in wishes, but this rapper is reflecting his desire to be real and be him no matter what. I love it!
Yeah, I could use a dream or a genie or a wish
To go back to a place much simpler than this
‘Cause after all the partyin’ and smashin’ and crashin’
And all the glitz and the glam and the fashion
And all the pandemonium and all the madness
There comes a time where you fade to the blackness
And when you starin’ at that phone in your lap
And you hopin’ but them people never call you back
But that’s just how the story unfolds
You get another hand soon after you fold
And when your plans unravel in the sand
What would you wish for if you had one chance?
So airplane, airplane, sorry I’m late
I’m on my way so don’t close that gate
If I don’t make that then I’ll switch my flight
And I’ll be right back at it by the end of the night.
Yeah, somebody take me back to the days
Before this was a job, before I got paid
Before it ever mattered what I had in my bank
Yeah, back when I was tryin’ to get a tip at subway
And back when I was rappin’ for the thrill of it
But nowadays we rappin’ to stay relevant
I’m guessin’ that if we can make some wishes out of airplanes
Then maybe, oh, maybe I’ll go back to the days
Before the politics that we call the rap game
And back when ain’t nobody listened to my mix tape
And back before I tried to cover up my slang
But this is for the hater, what’s up, Bobby Ray
So can I get a wish to end the politics?
And get back to the music that started this shit
So here I stand, and then again I say
I’m hopin’ we can make some wishes out of airplanes
Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky are like shooting stars?
I could really use a wish right now
Wish right now, wish right now
Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky are like shooting stars?
I could really use a wish right now
Wish right now, wish right now
I could really use a wish right now
I, I, I could really use a wish right now
A wish, a wish right now